Saturday, February 7, 2009

Turning point : New direction?

So it turns out I might be a little more AB than I thought. Originally my interests were firmly rooted in diapers, I had seen allot of AB stuff while looking around but wasn't particularly interested in any of it. The only thing that really caught my attention was the LGs. Of course I figured this was mostly the fact that they were women in diapers, I still didn't pay much attention to the other AB aspects. Lately, however, I have been feeling like I want to try something new, so I decided to go out and buy a pacifier.

I wasn't sure if I would like it or not but I didn't really have much to lose, so I picked one up when I went to but groceries. I got the largest one I could find, rated 18+, and hurried home. I opened the package and removed one of the two dummies that came in the pack. I looked at for a second, I felt a little excited, but nothing extraordinary. Finally I stuffed it in my mouth and paused for a moment. Almost immediately I felt my heart fluctuate, followed by a rushing sensation. It was amazing! I was overwhelmed by an inexplicable sense of security, comfort, and well being. As if worries and burdens I didn't even know I was carrying were suddenly lifted. I was so struck by this unexpected result that it wore me out. I felt tired and relaxed, so I decided this would be as good a time as any for a nap. Even though it was still early in the evening, I didn't care. All I wanted to do was curl up in a fresh nappy with my pacifier and drift off.

I changed into a fresh pullup, curled up on my bed, and was out like a light. I slept... like a baby. Strangely enough I dreamed like crazy that night. I almost never dream, I usually don't sleep that deeply. I woke 6 hours later. To my astonishment I was wet. I haven't wet the bed since I was 6, but now suddenly 14 years later I'm waking up drenched. I was shocked, but also strangely satisfied. After all Iv never really dealt with any issues of incontinence, so this is a result I could never replicate deliberately. I laid there for a moment, savoring the experience before getting up to take a shower and wash my sheets. Later I took an old tattered towel I never use, folded it to the proper size and thickness, and placed it with its center directly over where the wet spot had been. Ill go to the market and look for some of those pampers mattress pads soon, the towel should do for now. As for the pacifier, it definitely stays. I was skeptical at first but now I feel like Iv been given something that I had lost years ago. I might even spring for a NUK 5 someday, but that's what I have been saying about Bambinos, and I'm not sure that will ever happen.